Sunday, October 30, 2011

... and in walked love

Life has been an insane ride for me the last couple months. I try to document my life as it plays out but I sometimes get caught up in the excitement of it all. So really I just want to recap on what my amazing journey has brought me to. In the last year I have had many ups and downs, as I know many of you have read through my endless amounts of posts would know. My whole meaning behind this blog was to follow my journey as well as evolution in life. I think this past year I was fixated on fixing myself. It seemed as though I could not push forward with my goals without ripping myself in half and getting deep down into the core of my being. It was a cold hard wakeup call for me and sometimes I wanted to just crawl in a hole and stay there forever, but again, I pushed through.


So this summer was my breaking point and I broke down into pieces. They say when you hit rock bottom there is only one way to go .... UP! I literally was a walking zombie. I'd wake up, cry, get ready for work, cry, go to work, cry. But when 7 pm rolled around and I would go to the trail and walk. I would set my Coldplay cd on repeat and just think. I was open to the world out there. It helped me with my breathing techniques, meditation and I would get all my feelings out. Luckily I was the only one out there so I didn't look like a complete psycho to everyone else talking out load to myself, until now. After awhile I felt at peace. It almost felt as if my problems were washed away and I felt so rejuvenated. The old saying goes, "Everything happens for a reason" and I was subconsciously preparing myself for what was to come.


... and in walked love


The moment I saw Jason I couldn't stop thinking about him. The way we got together is alittle complicated so I will spare you the details and begin when he came to ask me out. I was beyond nervous to the point of  me seeming rude. (*sidenote*When i'm nervous I tend to avoid making eye contact and give short responses) so thank goodness he was nervous himself and didn't notice or we wouldn't be where we are today. So again, sparing you the intricate details, the date ended with a kiss and from there on I was hooked. Jason is part of that rare breed of male species. He is kind, thoughtful, loving and supportive and is just what I need in my life. I've been burned by others so bad before that in that past few years I turned into someone I wasn't. I hated commitment and couldn't see myself settling .... I was always restless. I gave my infamous 3 month rule which all my close friends will understand what that means. lol. Back to Jason, he doesn't make up my whole life but he adds to it to complete me. For once in my life, I feel some stability and support that i've really needed. But again, without those other twists and turns in my life I would have never become who I am today. I have no regrets in my past and I believe I met Jason at the perfect point in my journey. 


"Good friends are like stars…. You don’t always see them, but you know they are always there."

 It's funny to see how my relationship with Amber has grown. When we first met, neither of us thought it would pan out much more than our significant others being friends. But as time went on our friendship blossomed. So when she moved away earlier this year I was unsure and scared to see how our friendship would change. Distance seems to unravel the tightest bonds but in our case it merely stretched and grew thicker. Here are a few pictures from my recent trip to visit my favorite Georgia Peach :)





The Future of life.love.danika

My journey is nowhere near done. Although I feel that this book is finished, I have only just begun writing my sequel. In the next few months I will be in the process of moving to Orlando to be closer to Jason, starting college once again and start crossing off some goals on my "Buried Life List" (featured in the TAB section). 



Monday, August 1, 2011

C2D

Two years ago today, my three best friends passed away. It is probably the single worst moment of my life. The pain everyone has been through and still going through is still tough but as the saying goes "Time eases the pain." .... But there are certain triggers that bring me back to that day, in the moment of time, where I felt like my heart was torn right out of my body. What keeps me going is the memory of your smiles ... something so many people pass over but something so powerful that really ignites a sense of happiness in myself. I created this blog partly in memory of you but to also remind people that we all don't get a second chance ... to live like there is no tomorrow. I regret not telling you all how I much you really meant to me and I don't want anyone else to ever have to go through a feeling of remorse for not saying what they feel.

I love and miss you three so much and you will always be apart of my life, engraved in my heart.

C2D ... Carson, Two & Devon









 




Monday, July 25, 2011

Life ... and the silly things that go with it

Today starts a new day! I woke up this morning feeling like P.Diddy ... okay maybe not but I woke up feeling different, liberated if you will. This aura of empowerment glowed around me. Not to mention so far everything has gone right! I had tried a new energy drink and fell in love! So my affair with Red Bull has come to an end. The new Rockstar in my life is pink and comes with a straw ... adorable, right?! As my friend Rachelle would say, "It's like a juice box for adults!"

So for many of my close friends you know how obsessed I am with Coldplay. Literally the past week I have been listening to them on replay. As I got into my car today "Viva La Vida" streamed through the speakers which made my drive to work ridiculous if you were a car passing me! I car karaoked the shit outta that song! But I digress ....

As i'm in the process of finding out who I am as a person as well as fixing some character flaws I feel are very needed to reach my full potential of this life I was given. Without getting way too spiritual, I just wanted to share that each person has their own relationship with the guy upstairs. I feel that I have my own personal relationship with God and that nothing happens without a bigger, greater reason. It just takes time and willingness to transform. I feel I am transitioning nicely. 


Live. Love. Learn.




Friday, July 22, 2011

The world doesn't wait on anyone ... and neither should I

So in the last 2 months I have felt myself start to transition. It was like this sudden wave came crashing over me that I finally feel I have put everything in such clear perspective. As the life I took for granted completely shut down I realized that I can't begin to grow if i'm unwilling to put words into action. I've felt the weight i've been carrying around on my shoulders have finally lifted once I took that deep breath and rebooted. Meditation is such a good outlet for me ... and not in the traditional legs crossed, back straight, eyes shut type of meditation. (although sometimes it helps) ... running is my main objective. So soothing and peaceful. Especially with god's creations all around and the gorgeous painted sky with the sun peaking around the clouds beaming it's rays of sunshine down.


Today instead of running, I sat on the benches out at the trail and just watched. There was literally no one else out there today. I felt as though I couldn't get enough of the beauty. Then I headed down to the lake and laid on the stone seating and starred up at the sky for a few hours. It got me thinking about life and my journey i'm constantly seeking.
Life is what we make of it ... you can either live in regret or move on with your life.
I feel myself becoming more selfless than selfish. If you care about the people in your life, really care, you would want them to be happy with whatever choices they make. Even if you wished differently.

The world doesn't wait for anyone and neither should I.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Breathe and Reboot.

"After all, computers crash, people die, relationships fall apart. The best we can do is breathe and reboot"

As my life keeps evolving, I am thankful for all the lessons I have learned along the way. Even if at the moment i'm not so thrilled. God won't ever put you through anything your not prepared for, right. What if God wasn't planning for you to fail. What if he didn't bring me to this path to get lost, but in my own stupidity, I did.

Some people learn and others just adapt. If you are afraid to feel the burn then why try. I preach this so many times but I have yet to apply this to my own life until it's alittle too late.

So this is my reboot.

I tend to get in a never ending cycle of  the same old negativity and I want out.

Sometimes we need to let go of the hurt and broken promises that have built that giant wall in front of our hearts and love like there is no tomorrow! From now on I will love like i've never been hurt, trust like i've never been betrayed and walk like i've never slipped. My past is indeed now my past and i'm heading toward my future ... wherever that may be.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Pyro


Am I addicted to the fire? Have I become so cynical that I think the world is out to hurt me and no one can be trusted. Or am I to blame for the flame? Once the blaze starts, a high takes over you. But as it grows bigger it sweeps through engulfing everything in sight in a matter of minutes everything is gone and all you're left with are the ashes.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Life.Love.Danika. Part 2

Six months ago I started this blog to begin a journey. As I re-read old posts I see that I am still as confused with life as I have always been. What is my purpose driven life? Since recent events in my life have been less than interesting I feel like this hiatus needs to cease. "A life lived in fear is a life half lived" ... what stars am I grabbing onto if i'm too scared to reach for them. I need to embrace what I have right now and stop worrying about what I don't have. Journey's aren't pre-calculated events, what would be the fun in that? It's the search of the unknown that gets you high.