Tuesday, November 9, 2010

“I can't wait to figure out whats wrong with me, so I can say this is the way that I used to be”

I think I can honestly say that I haven't been this disappointed in myself in a long time. Normally, I am a clear headed and logical person ... or try to be atleast. I seem to have focused on my moment of feelings and forgot that there are people involved that I really hurt. Sorry is never going to be enough and as much as I want to say it I am advised that I shouldn't approach it at the moment. I don't feel I should be forgiven, I just want them to know that I am devastated by my actions and I would never intentionally do something like this to hurt them.

Although my personal life seems to be in a shamble at the moment what keeps me going is my new job.
Yes, the one I obsessively talk about! Had some amazing final news today that made me realize how much
I love this career path. I made top manager for my region! I exceeded my areas sales goal by 46% and had a large active rep goal. Talking to my reps makes me feel like I make a difference in their personal life and hearing stories of why they are in it reminds me of myself. I still pinch myself at times wondering how I got here and realizing that this isn't even close to where I will end up.

Realizing that life in this small town is hopefully drawing to an end is another bright light at the end of this dark tunnel. Barbie & I have been searching for apartments out of town hoping to prosper our lives for the better. Starting over with a fresh new start and learning who we truly are. I am so lucky I have her as a friend .... a best friend. I don't know what I would do without her .... when I need some guidance she is always right there to give it out & vice versa. Although on occasion we may not take the advice we give one another, because let's face it .... we are pretty stubborn girls, we are always there to pick each other up if we fall. When thinking of words that described us, one in particular came to mind. Dashing. The word is just so versatile in the fact that by definition means stylish & fashionable, which we most definitely fit the criteria. But the word dash alone signifies how we view our lives as a race and sometimes we don't stop to think about the outcome or possibilities of our actions but merely racing for the finish line as fast as we can. Something we will have to tame. Be prepared for the Journey of the "Dashing Dolls".

Im chuckin my deuces up, Im moving on to something better, better, better!

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